Our First Christmas

Ok, so it’s not really my first Christmas with Timmy, but it is our first Christmas as a married couple. And I want it to be great.

Timmy stopped getting a traditional Christmas when he was 16, which to me is too young. So, every year I kind of go all out, grabbing anything and everything I think Timmy would have fun getting as a gift. Sometimes I go the more practical route (he’s been wearing the Fox hoodie I got him as his jacket for years now), but sometimes I want to get him something I know he’ll love, something he wouldn’t get himself but would if he could.

The problem is… I don’t know what that would be.

I love Timmy and when we aren’t working/at class, we spend our time together. I know him inside and out and yet, this year I’m struggling with what to get him. I want it to be great, something he’ll remember when we look back at our first Christmas together.

Any ideas?

My Less Fashionable Half

I can remember hiking through feet of snow in boots and the poofiest, flowery dress with ruffles and buttons… adorable, but not for winter. The reason why I chose an Easter outfit for my January jaunt? I refused to wear pants. Pants were for boys, and I didn’t want to be a boy.

Yes, I have rarely refused to be myself when it comes to fashion choices, my curious, neon yellow, passionate and girly self. I have expressed who I am through my appearance for as long as I can remember, and continue to do such. My looks are quite loud, I am not hiding from anyone. Studded boots, printed leggings, platinum blonde hair, and piercings speak about what I like, who I am. I am as decorated as I am mindful, and every detail about my look is another detail about my being.

White t-shirt. Khaki pants. Black sneakers. Timmy wears the same outfit everyday, but sometimes he’ll wear a pair of his black slacks. But his simplicity is deep. He is simple the way the ocean is simple when seen from above. It is a vast view of dark blue nothing, but when you truly see the ocean for what it truly is, you see that it is a world filled with beasts and monsters, flowers and live-rock, a universe within the universe. That is Timmy.

He is not like me when it comes to appearances. Less is more, in his eyes. Occasionally he’ll wear the Guess watch I gave to him for Christmas two years ago, but glitz and glamor is not for Timmy. He looks nice and put together, but his personal style is quiet.

Appearances, whether you like it or not, do say something about the person you are. If you choose to wear baggy sweats and a hoodie or heels and a mini skirt, the clothing, accessories, and hairstyle you wear tell a little about how you think, how you feel, and who you are.

I don’t think dressing simple is bad, just not for me. Timmy truly is the side of me that I didn’t have before. He is the crisp white cotton to my multicolored sequins, the calmer of the two of us, in looks and personality. And I think a clean and understated sexy husband is a great look.

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” -Mark Twain

I Miss You

“We can live like Jack and Sally if we want, where you can always find me. We’ll have Halloween on Christmas, and in the night we’ll wish this never ends, we’ll wish this never ends. I miss you.” -Blink 182

I was listening to this song this morning while my husband was off at work, doing a 10 hour shift. I’m a full time student, so my job is to stay at home and do homework, but I realized while grooving to some 2000s alternative that it doesn’t matter if he’s half an hour away or days away from me. I miss him.

But that’s good.

Spending 24 hours a day with the one you love is not good. Yes, I crave him and when we’re together I cuddle into him and wish my body could just melt into his and we could be together forever. (Whoa, too much?) But, my mom always used to tell me “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and I’m realizing how true that statement is.

Have your own life. Go to work, hang out with friends, have a personal day. You and your companion should always feel like you have your own individual lives, you just share them together.

I know it’s the right thing to do, to let Timmy free to do what he will, but even as I sit here typing this, all I want to do is hear his voice. I want to tell him…

I miss you.

Now The Husband’s Turn…

After interviewing Shauna Bennett, it was time to question her husband Tim. Tim is a quiet yet confident man, not shy but observant. I was looking forward to getting a different perspective on married life, one from a man’s point of view but I was shocked at his answers. It was interesting to ask the same questions I asked his wife but to get drastically different responses. It just goes to show that men and women truly are from different planets, and since perception is everything, the same situations can be interpreted very differently. So, I flipped to a new page in my notebook and began the interview with Tim.

Q: What is different about being married as opposed to just dating?

Tim: There’s a level of comfort that just comes with it.

Q: What sacrifices have you made?

Tim: I think the only thing I’ve really sacrificed is the going out with my friends every singe night. It’s now maybe once or twice a week.

Q: Would you say it’s worth it?

Tim: Oh yea.

Q: What were you looking for in a partner before getting married?

Tim: I never really thought about what the perfect wedded partner would be. Having been in multiple relationships I found perfect examples of what not to look for. But I guess I was looking for someone who was interested in the same things as I was or someone who thought the same way I thought.

Q: What is it like working with someone else marriage-wise?

Tim: There are definitely aspects that were very frustrating. The fact that you’re not solely responsible for yourself anymore gets frustrating because ideas conflict.

Q: So how do you deal when ideas conflict?

Tim: Whiskey. (He laughs)

Q: What are some tips you have for soon to be married men?

Tim: Make sure you’re absolutely ready to take on the responsibilities of the lives of multiple people and not just your own.

Q: Is there anything you’ve learned from being married?

Tim: I think it’s something I’ve always wanted eventually, but I think it ended up not being anything at all what I expected. It’s not like I fell into that frilly, fuzzy dream world where everything’s happy. But I guess the biggest thing is it isn’t a dream world and it’s a lot harder as T.V. makes it look. Even if you get advice from someone who has gone through it, you’re never going to understand the difficulty of it until you’ve gone through it.

A picture of the happy family!
https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=2a5b33203f&view=fimg&th=1496c667a6b97748&attid=0.1&disp=inline&safe=1&attbid=ANGjdJ_GmT-dmhInPEn7DZ4Hle4dIX725TKS3zAsb1qfH8uSl9-Wxx4uuyl0pUMD8kkKEcfm5KHKBgB4HZ0nL0RwsBqGUoilgdbyOgb9U0pddEOVHOstkQhjeNkQGo8&ats=1414868281879&rm=1496c667a6b97748&zw&sz=w1331-h549

Interview With A Married Woman

I wanted to interview a different, newly married woman who has been with her husband longer than I’ve been with mine in order to find out some tips and tricks she’s learned from married life, as well as to ask her some difficult questions about expectations she had or ways that marriage has changed her life. That’s where Mrs. Bennett comes in.

Shauna Bennett has been married to her husband Tim for two years. The two of them have a child named Jeremy who is three years old, so if you do the math you’ll realize the child came first. Getting married is a huge life step, but these two dealt with two major life changes in a matter of yeas by giving birth to a child and then getting married just a couple years later. I wanted to find out how married life has been for not only a young woman, but for a young mother, and Shauna was the perfect candidate. Shauna was enthusiastic and willing to give real answers, even to some of the tougher questions to answer, instead of acting like the married life is perfect for her.

As I settled in to Shauna and Tim’s cozy house to get ready for my interview Shauna and Tim ate a Friday night meal of Chinese food, and struggled to get their son to take a few bites. Shauna dealt with her son’s eating habits well, showing off a beautiful smile and a caring attitude. Tim also had an easy-going way about him, tossing me humorous answers every now and again, the two of them giggling together over their answers to my interview questions. The couple seemed comfortable, happy, two parents who don’t know all the answers to raising a child or how to succeed at a marriage, but are doing the best they know how to do. I realized I chose the right couple, so I opened up my orange notebook and began the questioning…

Q: What were you expecting about marriage before taking the leap?

Shauna: Nothing really. We already lived together, we have a child together, we already lived as a married couple, I thought it was just going to be a ceremony.

Q: What’s different about what you expected?

Shauna: It actually makes life more difficult.

Q: What is different about married life as opposed to just dating? Can you elaborate on marriage making life more difficult?

Shauna: It almost puts more pressure on you, you can’t just leave. It changed my name, but money changes and things actually change legally that you don’t expect to change. Things changed a lot when I just though we would be signing a piece of paper and having a ceremony.

Q: What sacrifices have you made from little ones to big ones?

Shauna: He always takes the last bite, (she laughs), so I’ve learned not to complain about that. Big sacrifices, we pool our money so I sacrifice a lot on my spending money, but most of it is little stuff though. He’s really good about on date night, I usually get to pick what we are doing, but it’s just minor sacrifices like him taking the last bite, he’s a blanket hog (she laughs), and he likes the windows down in the car but I like the a/c.

Q: What is it like working with someone else marriage-wise?

Shauna: I’ve become a less selfish person. I have to be less selfish in my thinking and I have to think about how what I do affects both him and me. Everything I do revolves around this family.

Q: What are some tips you have for soon to be married women?

Shauna: Remember to listen to each other. It’s very easy to forget that you’re supposed to be a unit especially early on in the marriage since it’s so new. Patience, because you are two different people and just because you’re married it doesn’t make you any more similar. And always, always, always keep your fights clean because you can’t take back the words that you say.

Q: What have you learned from marriage?

Shauna: Take your commitments seriously and realize that you’ve committed to love someone for the rest of your lives. And stay young, it’s o.k. to be homebodies but just because you get older doesn’t mean you have to get old. That’s when the love dies.

Next week: Shauna’s husband Tim gets an interview!

Dresses!

Picking out a dress was less stressful than I imagined. I knew exactly what I wanted. I know picking out a dress is something many women put a LOT of thought into, looking through magazine after magazine and going to store after store trying on every dress that matches the perfect image of what they think their wedding day should look like in their day dreams. I’m not saying that finding a dress you feel amazing in is something you shouldn’t do. By all means, your wedding day is your day, a day to celebrate you and your future husband, you two are the rock-stars of the day so definitely find a dress that makes you look and feel like a knock-out bride. I’m simply suggesting that you don’t take it so seriously. Yes, you want to look gorgeous in your wedding pictures, but know that you will. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend, the store you go to, or even the designer of the dress, you will be beaming from ear to ear and nothing looks prettier than a happy bride. My husband and I, then my fiance, wanted to save on the wedding so we had more to spend on the honeymoon, so I had a strict budget when it came to my dress. I too had put a lot of thought into what kind of dress I wanted to wear and what I imagined my wedding photos to look like years from now. I wanted to look like a Disney princess with a long, strapless ivory gown that was fitted at the waist but poofed out at the bottom with layers and layers to look like a white version of Belle’s yellow ball gown when she dances with the Beast. I tried on two, just two, dresses before deciding that I found the dress I wanted to wear at David’s Bridal. The key to my success: only trying on dresses that were in my price range, picking out dresses that fit my style, and knowing that I could wear jeans and a tank top but my husband Timmy would tell me I looked beautiful. There were plenty of Vera Wang dresses calling my name, but trust me when I say that most every style made by an expensive designer can be found with a cheaper option.

VW351172 WG3416

On the left is a gown by Vera Wang priced at $1,348.00. The right is from the David’s Bridal Collection priced at $349.99. Both dresses would look amazing on any smiling bride on one of the happiest days of her life, but one is far outside the price of what I had to spend for my wedding. For a dress I wore for one day, I’m happy I found a gown in my price range that looked just as beautiful as any $1,000+ dress would. I know any bride-to-be could, because no matter how much your white gown costs, once you put it on you’ll be glowing and even the simplest of dresses will make you stand out among the crowd.

What not to do on your wedding day part 2

Continuing with my list of what NOT to do on your special day!

4. Do not hold back on the dance moves!
Every moment is a chance to capture a picture perfect time on this important day, and you definitely want to have fun! I have a couple wonderful pictures in my wedding album that shows my wedding party and I grooving to the music and every time I look at them I can’t help but smile and remember how much fun I was having. Even if you think you’re a horrible dancer (I was doing the sprinkler in a few pictures) you don’t want to be sitting the whole time watching other people living it up on your wedding day. Get out there and dance!

5. Do not forget what this day is about…
The purpose of your wedding day is to be legally tied to the person you love. You are making a huge, life-changing commitment and THAT is the purpose of the day. Not getting all fancy, not throwing a party, but marrying the man you’ve been waiting for since you were a little girl watching Disney princesses fall in love, that is the reason for this amazing day, so if you are Mrs. Man of your dreams by the end of the day, it was a success.

There are plenty of things you want to do on your wedding day, but more importantly are the things you shouldn’t do. You don’t want to be stressed out or angry, you want to be the happiest you’ve ever been and having the most fun you’ve ever had. So remember the purpose of the day, getting married, and go enjoy yourself and your lover because the day will fly by quicker than you can say “I do”!